An Afternoon of My Own

I was furious. I had just finished writing this post, then one careless Ctrl+X made the entire thing disappear. I wanted to cry. So here I am, writing it again.

Still, today brought one genuinely welcome change: from now on, there will be no military training in the afternoon. That stretch of the day no longer belongs to commands and formations. It can belong to me.

I had arranged to meet an older student at the library, but I slept until four. I felt guilty when I woke up, though after a moment I decided to count it as a day off. I have been wound fairly tight lately. Sleeping through one afternoon is probably not an unforgivable crime.

I went to the library in the end.

A mathematical analysis textbook, laptop, and tablet spread across a wooden library table — I arrived late, but the afternoon still found its way back to the desk.

I read the Mathematical Analysis textbook jointly compiled by my university and Tianjin University. After spending time with Abbott's Understanding Analysis, returning to this book felt easier. Some ideas no longer looked entirely unfamiliar. At least I could see roughly where the text was trying to take me.

A phone screen showing a discussion of recurring 0.999 equalling 1 through limits of sequences — From 0.999…=1 to limits of sequences: it can look clear on a screen and become difficult again on the printed page.

Dedekind's axiom of continuity, however, genuinely defeated me. I read it several times. I knew every word, yet the whole thing remained behind a layer of fog. I will not publish a separate academic log today. Writing about something I do not understand would only arrange the confusion more neatly. I can return to it when I have actually worked out a little more.

In the evening, I had dinner with an older student.

A burger, fries, coffee, and food boxes on a table beside a window — Something concrete and satisfying, away from the books.

Afterwards, I went to the gym. The equipment was familiar, and I worked through the exercises one by one. In the mirror I looked surprisingly awake—not much like someone who had just lost a finished essay and been thoroughly confused by an axiom of continuity.

A mirror photo taken while sitting in front of the dumbbell rack at the gym — The gym after dinner. A nice day.

Looking back, today produced no grand achievement. I rewrote an essay, arrived late at the library, and left part of the textbook unresolved. But a piece of the afternoon finally belonged to me. I slept, read, ate, and moved my body.

A nice day. Really.

In the end, this is what I want to say: live the seasons as you wish. So what if it is lonely? When the water has passed, the rock remains.